"I know he didn't do the best he could."

Our guest this week is A.J. Daulerio, an American writer and creator of the weekly recovery newsletter, The Small Bow. He is the former editor in chief of and its sister sports site Deadspin during the mid-2000s, a boon time for New York media and its access to cocaine and free booze.

At Gawker, he famously published an excerpt of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape, which led to his losing a 9-figure lawsuit backed by maniacal billionaire Peter Theil, and the bankruptcy and sale of Gawker Media. In 2017, AJ became the unlikely defendant in a sensational trial that was ultimately a massive blow to the First Amendment. A.J. found himself personally on the hook for $115 million, his professional reputation in the toilet, his sobriety hanging by a thread. He was also facing buried memories of child sexual abuse and a father unable or unwilling to protect him or help him heal.

A.J. talks to hosts Erin and Elizabeth about how being on the receiving end of a public shaming can pale in comparison to the shame that burns inside an addict trying to understand how it all happened. On this episode, we'll hear the story behind the story, and how becoming a father himself has changed AJ's relationship with his own dad, who is now suffering from Alzheimer's, and the ways in which he's trying to do things differently.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts and wherever you get your podcasts.

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